Bless me, readers, for I have sinned...

For starters, I benched Willie Parker (on the road against DEN Sunday night) in favor of Lamont Jordan. Now, the diff is only 6 points between them, but right now it means I'm down by 17 versus 11 with only Reggie Wayne left to play tonight (and my opponent has Anthony Gonzalez, but it looks like Harrison will play).

UPDATE: Wayne goes for 130+ yds (or 13 points) and no TDs (or zero points) and I lose, going from 5-1 to 5-2 and no longer a lock to make the playoffs. Damn it.

What's more, I learned this morning that I've done a pretty piss poor job of scouring the web and bringing the weird stuff to you guys. The Big Lead 'scooped' me on ESPN's Matthew Berry's latest psycho-babble involving a DJ Hackett man-crush and a prediction of doom for all Steelers. I need to make a point to check this out on a weekly basis.

Then there was Bill Simmons' weekly NFL picks column that also doubled as a 'fantasy guide' of sorts. He tried to show how hard it is to have the perfect fantasy season (because, you see, his Pats are going to have a perfect real season, get it?). Let's leave out the fact that his team is stacked, leading me to believe he's in a 6 team league (check out my thoughts on his his pre-season thoughts here) and dissect his thoughts.

Reason #1: Bye Weeks
Okay, yes, you WILL have a week when your #1 RB is off. And another where your #1 QB is off. And one where you'll have to pick up a TE, K or DEF off the waiver wire cuz you should only draft one. But you know what? THAT'S WHAT THE DRAFT IS FOR! A while back I even put a poll up regarding draft strategy and bye weeks, so it's an issue everyone's aware of and should have a strategy for (damn, did I just end TWO phrases with prepositions???). Now, should you get unlucky on draft day, there are trades, as well as waiver wire pick ups. Oh, wait, those are evil too...

Reason #2: The evil waiver wire
While Bill's points are valid, he fails to see things from the 'bad teams' perspetive. FFB is supposed to be fun and, quite frankly, it isn't when your team blows and you have ZERO chance to salvage your season. Sometimes you just get unlucky. This is especially true for money leagues where your dream goes from winning the whole damn thing to maybe, just maybe, getting your entry fee back. What Bill doesn't realize are 1) if a bad team also has a bad owner, chances are he WON'T be submitting claims for those "hot pickups o' the week", meaning the good owners have more of a chance, and 2) there ARE solutions - making waiver claims cost $ is one, while not 'locking down the free agents' at 1 pm on Sundays is another. All the basic Yahoo leagues I'm in keep everything wide open; the only players on waivers are ones who've been dropped recently. The downside of this is people tend to add players as the games are going on. Simmons should have mentioned THIS as well.

Reason #4: Staying Healthy
The simple solution is to have 'team players'. For example rather than drafting Drew Brees, you draft "New Orleans QB".

Reason #6: Screw job trades
Most leagues require the other owners vote on trades. Problem solved.

Reason #7: You need a lot of luck
Hmmm... has Simmons seen my site and my Declaration of Principles? :)

Bringin' the Lame

You may recall Brad Evans is one of the Yahoo! yahoos who tries to use slick lingo and mockery of those who email to mock him in order to get himself over.

Here is his latest column.

He starts off talking about how to make trades while at a party. While I appreciate him holding off on this till now (everyone else was talking about trades after Week 3), he should've mentioned that some of his advice just doesn't work on-line. Obviously you don't have to worry about alcohol consumption, so I'm talking about the rest of his advice.

2. Be arrogant yet open-minded
This works online, too, with emails, but another tool at your disposal is the "Trading Block". CBS Sportline and Yahoo! both have one, so I'm sure they all do. This takes an EXTRA layer of desperation out, as you're truly just 'throwing stuff out there'. An added benefit is now potential traders KNOW they're in a competition and in a free-market system, competition is good!

3. Don't low ball
I think this really depends on the league. I'm in a league where lowballing is the norm. For example, long story short, prior to Sammy Morris getting hurt, I had a deal in place to get Derrick Mason (the guy needed him b/c of byes). After Sunday, I instead offered Barber. The guy countered by asking for ADDAI!! If you're lucky and NOT in a league where everyone tries to screw everyone, then great, don't low ball. But sometimes you have to 'play the game'. Ideally, you and the other guy will reach a point where you can say "Okay, now that we've established that neither side is screwing the other, consider this fair proposal".

Another reason to lowball is when you really don't have any idea what the other guy would take in return. In the same league, I was interested in a WR, but the guy had a pretty balanced team. I 'offered' Greg Olsen, but put in the note "hey, I would like Engram and I know Olsen isn't enough; take a look at my roster and counter-propose". We ended up not trading, but I think I handled that right. Bottom line: sometimes you don't want to open negotiations with a trade proposal that the other guy can accept right away; sometimes you just want to get his attention.

UPDATE: after following my own advice and putting Marion Barber 'on the block', the aforementioned owner offered Derrick Mason for him. I've accepted the deal.

Brad's column takes a nosedive, though, with his picks of 2 'Fantasy Flames/Lames':

• Kevin Jones (Flame) - Repeat after me, "there is RARELY a good time to start Kevin Jones". Yes, I'm speaking as a jaded former owner over the past FOUR YEARS. I don't care if Brad "anticipates Mike Martz to feature the ultra-versatile Jones noticeably in the Lions' aerial gameplan. Have faith in him as a No. 2 in all 12-team formats.". I anticipate that Jones will reinjure himself in the first quarter. I'd rather start Brad's "Shocker Special" of Kevin Faulk.


• Marion Barber (Lame) - I'll admit Brad does have some good points regarding the Vikes' run D. He left out a key bit of info, though: Dallas has gone to a true RBBC, whereby Barber and Jones alternate series. No more "Julius between the 20s and Barber to finish the drive". That's what's kept Barber's numbers down these past couple of weeks and that'll help keep them down even after Week 7 is over.

"Should be owned in all leagues"?

That's how Rotoworld says a guy is 'good'. Here is an example.

The caveat is that they don't also say "but possibly not by you". I really wish they would give some context as to the 'best' player they would drop in favor of picking up the new player. For example, should I drop DeShaun Wynn to pick up Kenny Watson? Yes? Okay, but should I drop Jerious Norwood? Wait, he's ALSO a "own in all leagues" guy. What do I do?

Yahoo's reaching a bit

Their latest Pickups of the Week are basically everything I created this blog to caution against.

Plug-n-play Joey Harrington after NONE of his receivers seem interested in catching passes and most of the team has mutinied against Bobby Petrino?

Waste a claim on Kevin Faulk when we know NOTHING about the status of Laurence Maroney and Sammy Morris? PS: my guess is Maroney starts this week.

Recommend the Saints' Lance Moore WITHOUT also recommending David Patten?

Backhandedly pimp Kyle Boller (against BUF) with the following: "Boller may indeed be the epitome of oafishness – he managed just 184 yards and a pick versus the rancid Rams last week – but he has reasonable odds of racking a 220-yard, two-touchdown day given the encouraging matchup"?

They're seriously reaching, folks. And that just ain't common sensical.

Have you seen Colston or Marion Barber?

If so, please tell them they're killing my fantasy squads.

Marques was last seen run blocking for the Saints during their Sunday night game against Seattle. He caught 1 pass for 2 yards that resulted in a TD (after dropping a similar pass 2 downs prior).

Barber hasn't gotten into the endzone in two weeks and it looks like he's in a true platoon with Julius Jones now (alternating series).

If you've heard any good 'Colston is hurt' rumors, share them in the comments, ok?

Desperately Seeking Desmond

Curious as to why Desmond Clark isn't listed in Yahoo's TE Rankings for Week 6, but Greg Olsen is. Are they THAT enamored with the He-Man look-alike?

In other sites' rankings, Clark and Olsen are usually ranked together, just below Owen Daniels. This seems weird, as Daniels has to go on the road to face JAX while the Bears are at home. I'm guessing the 'experts' think that Clark and Olsen are going to split the looks, while Daniels is all by himself.

Still, I think I made the right call by dropping Daniels for Clark. I later picked up Olsen, but I plan to start Clark due to his overall experience as well as his past history with Brian Griese.

This means you all should go out and start Olsen, btw :)

Sunday Night Update: Daniels lead the trio with 5 rec for 79 yards, Olsen was 2nd with 5 for 63 and Clark brought up the rear with 3 for 48. The lesson? Daniels is legit.

Holy crap, I've been thinking this for the past 3 weeks!

I'm not the only one!